At the beginning he made so much effort

He had been keeping an eye on me for a long time. But I was in firm hands. When he found out that I had been single for a few months now, he got in touch with me. He asked me how I was going and wanted to meet with me. I was happily alone at the time and didn’t want to get back into a relationship so quickly. I told him that too. He was not deterred by this.

A sweet message every day
He did not let up and so I then let myself in for a meeting. I thought he must have real interest if he tried so hard. But then he transferred me. He would have overslept because of the night shift. He apologized and I gave him another chance. I had an understanding, after all, night shifts are getting ready.

The next time our meeting took place. And it was really nice with him. He was super charming and totally lovely. He brought me a little attention. And after that meeting, I got a sweet message every day. At some point he wrote to me that I was his dream woman, he had wanted to be by my side for so long and wanted to be with me.

I had a very unpleasant feeling that I could not explain to myself. It was threatening and kind of like my intuition was trying to tell me he was dangerous. But I couldn’t classify that. He was so sweet and charming. I ignored the warning, which should turn out to be a serious mistake.

My feeling wanted to warn me
Finally, I entered into a relationship with him. The first three months it was nice. Everything was fine. Due to his shifts, we didn’t see each other every day, which was totally fine for me. He was very helpful and incredibly kind. However, everything became less and less after the three months. At some point we only saw each other on weekends, even though we live just seven minutes away from each other by car.

I suggested that I come to him once, which was rejected by him. He would be tired, it was not cleaned up, etc. The time together on the weekend was sobering. He always came later in the evening and then we watched some movies. Conversation hardly took place. He never wanted to visit my friends. My girlfriend and her husband often asked if we wanted to come over for a beer. The two live in the neighborhood. He did not want this. He was too tired.

He also never wanted to go to his friends and I slowly wondered if he even had any. I didn’t want to go out alone because I thought that we wouldn’t see each other anymore.

Too many gifts
He showered me with gifts. It was too much of a good thing. Very unpleasant. When shopping, he pushed himself in front of me every time to pay and he constantly brought something with him. I told him that I was uncomfortable with this and I do not want gifts on this scale. I’d rather spend time with him. But he didn’t care, and he went on like that. I knew there was something wrong with his behavior.

Then the devaluations began. I could not classify this correctly at first. But I knew something was wrong. I bought a new blouse and showed it to him. He said that the blouse was beautiful, but what’s in it is not. He laughed as if this was a joke. But it didn’t feel that way.

I thought that my feelings were wrong and told myself that I was wrong. When my friend from the neighborhood rang me at Christmas and brought me a gift bag with tea and chocolates, I was very happy. When she was gone, I showed him the bag and told him that I would be very grateful for my dear friends. He said to me in a really bad tone that he was surprised that I had any friends at all. I pretended not to have heard it and offered him another praline.

This made him very angry and when we were having dinner with his cousin, whose husband and children, he talked to me in front of everyone as if I were a nothing. I ignored that and just kept talking to the others. Which made him even angrier. His cousin asked him at some point what this should be and how he would talk to me.

I was to blame
At home, I talked to him about all this. He became even angrier. And then came excuses. The work and pain in the shoulder, etc. I was confused and confronted him about it again and again. This did not suit him. He said we had a fight all the time because that’s what I’m talking about. And because of my hormones. Very nice cheekiness. He insisted that it was my fault. He did not take responsibility for his behavior. After that it got worse and worse.

But I did not allow myself to be manipulated any further and told him that I wanted nothing more from him than a respectful interaction with each other and a reasonable arrangement of time within the framework of what is feasible. That was too much. On the phone, he informed me that he was coming to get his things. Nothing else. I never heard from him again. I tried to have another clarifying conversation and offered him that we talk. No answer. He never came to pick up his things. I finally brought them to his cousin.

He took my keys to his cousin weeks later. She asked him what he was doing and wanted to know why. He distracted with his alleged pain, which he just had and even claimed that he had suddenly got Tourette’s at his age. Unbelievable. Just so that he does not have to take responsibility. Of course, he does not have a tourette.

He continued to present me as the culprit and, I quote, ”crazy psycho aunt”. His cousin said it was starting to become apparent that all of his exes were crazy psycho aunts.

Today I would not let this offer me anymore
I felt really bad after this relationship and it took me a long time to process it. I was completely sad and finished. In the beginning everything had been so beautiful. I am sure that this type is not normal and that this is a pattern. This person is highly toxic. Maybe even a narcissist?

I never did anything to him. Certainly not what would justify such behavior towards me. I now know that he also treated the women in front of me in this way and ended his previous relationships in this lousy way as well. Today I would not even let this approach offer me and so end a ”relationship” immediately.

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