How Did We Become Like This?

When he was unwell, he was emotional, sensitive and caring. When he got better, he turned into a completely different man. Our anonymous reader tells us about a love that she calls abuse today.

When I met you, you were on the ground. The depressive phases kept pulling you into the abyss and you were rarely seen smiling. Your last relationship broke you. You had done everything for her and it had never been enough. You were never enough. Your words awakened in me the painful memories of the experiences that I too had experienced often enough.

We wanted to approach it slowly and carefully

Our conversations were good for both you and me. We met on a deeper, different level and more and more often I saw you smiling again. And when one day you took me to a romantic picnic and kissed me, we both smiled.

We wanted to try it and approach it very carefully. You said so many times that hopefully you will be yourself again soon. You told me so many times that you find it an imposition when I see you crying and despairing again and again. I told you that I can handle it and that I am there for you and that we are going through this difficult time together.

We both kept our word. I was there for you, no matter when, no matter what. I did everything in my power to help you get back on your feet and at the same time enjoyed the feelings and the wonderful time together, which you showed me more and more.

You became yourself again. A man who is firmly in life, who has a plan and does not let anything get him down. Yes, you became yourself again. And one day I should realize that the man who was initially so loving, emotional and tender would no longer show up.

And then you did violence to me

When I was on the ground one evening, the tears were running down and it came over my lips that I had no more strength, you pounced on me and squeezed my neck for a short moment.

You called it therapy later. I call it violence today.

When you felt better again, you decided that you wanted to move in with me. I felt completely taken by surprise, but let myself be carried away by your dreams and jumped on the bandwagon of the common future. Without a previous conversation, you just as quickly decide that it would be more expedient to sign a lease in your city. Because the effort with me would have become too much for you.

You called it logical later. I call it being left behind today.

The emotional man did not come back
When your move was due, I spent every weekend with you, dragging and renovating, in addition to the many paid workers, with all my might. When I accidentally damaged something of yours, you shouted at me loudly in front of everyone else and could not understand how stupid a person could be.

You called it good-natured later, because you forgave me for this mistake. I call it humiliation today.

When I discovered one evening by chance on your PC that you were logged in to a portal for erotic contacts of any kind, I could only tremble and could not believe what I saw there. Of course you explained to me that this is not how I think again and at the end of the day I was the bad one who had destroyed the weekend again.

You later called it porn addiction and not bad. I call it cheating today.

I was always to blame, never you

When you explained to me one day that this no longer makes sense with us, because I always wanted to talk about the things that happened like that and never to see the positive, I confirmed to you your thinking that we should go our separate ways. As a result, your tears suddenly ran down again and you threatened to do something to yourself in front of my eyes.

You later called it despair. I call it emotional blackmail today.

When my underlying disease hit hard and my doctor pulled me out of traffic, I heard you crying again on the phone when I told you about it. You were so ready because you really wanted to help me, but you were so powerless. I told you the first time that it would help if you could just be there for me now and you were reassured because you would do that of course.

The next day and the following weekend you were looking forward to an early evening, a delicious ice cream in the sun and friends who wanted to visit you. Of course, you were horrified that I did not understand that you have important obligations and can not always jump the way I want.

You later called it lack of time and me uncomprehending. I call it indifference today.

Again and again you told me that your mother and also your friends would also be horrified, because they thought I was a nice person and would never have trusted me with such a selfish and uncomprehending behavior. So many people have been disappointed by me. I will never know what stories you have told in your world.

You called it loyalty later, because you stayed with me anyway. I call it manipulation today.

You called me selfish and uncomprehending

I ended our relationship after I learned that while I was at my medical treatments, you had nothing else to do but search for sexy chat partners on your platform. Of course, this was not so. Of course, it was my false perception and my impossible mistrust that I always treated you so hurtfully.

My body has recovered. For six months I have been trying to heal the wounds that my soul has suffered. It gets a little more bearable with each passing day, but regularly the entire pain hits me again.

Despite the separation, you are still there somehow. Have told me so many times that you are sorry for some things and you wish for another chance to show me that it could be completely different with us. And even if I did not manage to completely break off contact with you in these moments, I managed not to simply believe your words and not immediately reach for the ever-burgeoning hope.

And after at most two days of “fighting” I had to hear from you that I just can’t forgive and I’m a terribly resentful person and that it’s no wonder if I can never have a proper relationship, if I constantly live in the past.

What you call love, I call abuse

I have often wished that I could just hate you and feel anger, but for months there has been nothing but a void and this pain. My feelings for you were honest and I fell in love with you in the beginning. The man who was on the ground. Who was not fixed in life, but who was loving, emotional and tender. And maybe in those times you were really yourself.

But maybe this picture was just not bearable for you, because you feel more comfortable in the role of the man who is firmly in life, has a plan and will not let anything get him down. I had to bury the hope that the emotional man from the beginning would reappear. Even if I realized it much too late.

I forgave you inwardly, because even if you hurt me deeply, it was my own responsibility that I always stayed and endured so much. That’s my job. To find myself again and take care of myself until I completely got up from the ground again.

You always called that love with us. I call it abuse today.

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